It feels like the first time... all over again. The butchering of the knife going through my heart... over and over... The pain stings. I hold my breath, I bite my tongue and I pray real hard that this moment will pass quickly. It feels like I'm strapped to a chair and continually, I'm electrified, except I can't die. The pain doesn't numb. It just keeps hurting with each passing moment and I'm at a loss for words. The tears... they flow effortlessly, yet I can't fathom the brokenness from within. All I know is that it hurts and maybe this is a little taste of how God feels when we, His children, betrays Him.
I weep for the one I cannot save and this pains me in so many ways. You're already gone, but I keep trying to cling onto what's left. This must be how it feels to let go of the things I cannot change. I hate this feeling of losing a battle, but sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose. In all things, I know that the Lord is for me and He will never forsake me in my weaknesses. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can't hurt me" is a false statement. Words do hurt. They hurt very badly. Even though I'm pained by the gossips and lies of others', I find comfort in knowing that I am doing the very best I can and the rest will be up to God. Lord, I lift this up to You. I know that You got this, but the human in me always feel the need to control. Please forgive me, Lord. I know I'm exactly where You need me to be. Though I'm going through this inner storm and the world keeps feeding me lies, I continually pray to remain steadfast in You. I pray Your will be done. Through this darkness, may Your light shine. More than anything Lord, bless me with the strength I need to let go and let You be in control.
LET GO, LET GOD!
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