Life Update #24839634

 Hello.

It's been a while.

Who still read blogs in 2024?

Apparently, I never left the early 2000's.

Haha :)

Not much has changed since I was last here. Yet again, so much has changed since I've been gone. My hair has grayed quite a lot over the years which resulted in my husband asking, "How stressed are you?" My response is always the same, "You're the reason for my gray hair!" Truth be told, God has been gracious to Jamy and I, therefore I'm really not all that stress. I am becoming my parents more and more by the day, I can tell you that. I see little things in me that reminds me of my dad. You see, my father is a good man, but also a very stern man. When his eyes on something, he won't deviate from it. He's also very protective of his children, ensuring we don't grow into the world and go astray. Growing up, I called that mean. He was just very "nyaum nyaum". Jamy often jokes that I'm nyaum like my dad. I remind Jamy that I'm also a lot like my mom, who has the sweetest and most gentle soul. I reminded him that he needs to feed the version of me that he likes best as there are two sides to everyone. Yes, I really don't know how to explain the gray hair except that I'm turning 39 in 13 days. There was a time when I'd go all out for my birthdays, mainly celebrating with friends and taking trips like there's no tomorrow. I realized this is the last year of my 30's and I should go all out, but you know, I think I'm getting to the age where I'd rather lay on my enormous bean bag with a good book and a soft blanket over me. Oh yes, I'm obviously the girl in the window. I am alright with a subtle, quiet celebration. As I get older, I have become extremely selective when it comes to my inner circle. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Last year of my 30's has a ring to it. I am excited to see what God has in store for me and this chapter of my life. He's continually teaching me and sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow because just when I think I know it all, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface. 

In the last few months, our family has lossed so much. We ended up losing our uncle to a heart attack in WI, then we saw our aunt took her last breath due to her kidney failure here in GA, then we lossed our brother-in-law to cancer in CA, and then we lossed my uncle to cancer in MN. Jamy and I have travelled quite extensively in the last few months to celebrate the lives of those we loved and lossed and I couldn't tell you how we're still functioning normally having lossed so much in the interim. The only truth I know is that this is only by the grace of God. All God. 

As I struggle to get back to some type of normalcy, I realized my house has become dark and cold right along with this weather that can't seem to decide whether Spring is on the horizon or whether it'll be a long Winter. It takes a lot to turn a house into a home, but fresh groceries and some natural sunlight is a start. I opened up the blinds and spent a Sunday afternoon grocery shopping. Oh, how I loved roaming through the isles of each store I found myself in. Picking and choosing selectively what we'd eat for the next few weeks and ensuring I get some of Jamy's favorite snacks just in case he needs a pick-me-up along the way during the treacherous work weeks ahead. A few weeks ago, before I headed up to MN for my uncle's funeral, my local grocery store had a beautiful deal on sodas. It was a BUY2GET3 deal! You bet Jamy and I went all out since we love having families and friends over.  It was too good of a deal to pass up and I definitely do not regret buying all 60 cases of sodas at all. This will probably last us until mid-Summer. The warmth of our house has finally returned, and it's starting to seem like home again. I'd never thought to say as a young girl in my days, but now I just love staying home. When all else fails, staying home will 1) Help you save money and 2) Keep you safe. That ain't such a bad thing in my book!

Last night, I had dinner with a dear friend. We tried this new spot that opened up called BEP Corner in Duluth. There's nothing quite like good food in good company! With all the funerals and deaths happening lately, this friend and I realized we cannot attend each other's funeral and it dawned on me how incredibly sad that would be that someday all these long night conversations and sporadic dinner dates will end. That truth breaks my heart because I know that I am blessed to have found just a few friends to laugh in synchrony with me and hurts for me all the same. We can laugh ugly and cry ugly together and there's no judgement. What a wonderful reminder of how richly blessed I have been in the last 38 years.

I think sometimes death can take a toll on one's mental wellness, especially if they are back-to-back-to-back-to-back. I am so grateful to have tasted the sweetness that is Jesus and the hope that we have through this faith in Him. How reassuring! I absolutely cannot wait to be with my loved ones again when we meet our Lord and Savior face to face. What a beautiful moment that will be! For now, we all grieve and that's okay. I'm remembering to take it one day at a time because this life is temporary and one day I, too, will return home to my Lord. Death is not the end; it is only the beginning to eternity. With that, I look forward to celebrating the last year of my 30's. I will embrace this moment because I am reminded that growing older is a privilege denied to many. I am excited, actually, because to be quite honest, I like gaining experience that only comes as we age. For instance, when we were young, we gather with our friends to hangout and share the latest news, also known as gossip and we'd floor over the hottest boy in the building. Today though, I enjoy gathering with a few of my finest friends to talk about ideas, tips regarding our finances, how to better one's credit scores and the wisdom shared amongst great friends is unparalleled to anything else young girls could ever talk about. I have a feeling I'm going to love getting older.

So you can shine

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things, does the heart find its morning and is refreshed.” ― Kahlil Gibran

Must be the way Richard looked at Monica. Must be the way she reacts to him. It's their chemistry. I don't know why I'm hearing Richard's toast for the first time. But I think I feel sad. For them. Or for me. I don't know. I'm happy though. I think this quote triggered something in me. I wish Monica and Richard would last, but as I've gotten older, I realized they could not. Their relationship is the reason why Chandler gets to shine. Then, it hit me. My past exist so my husband can shine. Jamy shines very brightly, especially over the past Christmas holiday season when he caught covid. I was scared, but in the midst of his suffering, it made me realized the depth of my love for this man. You don't know how much you love someone until you feel the hours slipping away. As Kahlil Gibran says it best, "Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." I never want to go through anything like this again, but I am glad that my husband and I still have life today. How very intricately designed we are, all this so that we can help others shine. Afterall, life was never about us. It is always about others. I was reminded of that when I held my husband in my arms and we both cried to God to rescue us. We talked about holding on, about our life and our babies that are to come and for a slight second, we loved this life we dreamed of, but we loved each other more and in that moment, it was perfect. Just two lovers crying out to God because we both knew we needed a Savior. Now that's beautiful and that's the sweetness of true friendship.  

Christmas

 It's hard to imagine that Christmas is twelve days away. I've been listening to "Somewhere in my memories" by John Williams from the Home Alone soundtrack and I can't help but feel nostalgic about all the Christmases passed. Thinking about those far away separated by distance, those whose here, and those separated by death. Thinking of the younger me, the younger siblings and the younger versions of my parents. If I could go back, if I can undo, relive, if only I could... I would do so much more for all my loved ones. As each year come to pass and we all get a little older, you would think the holidays become easier. They do not. You end missing these same people year after year. You think about all those moments gone too soon. Somehow in the middle of all this mess, you find what matters and you hold onto them tightly. That's me this holiday season. I'm glad Christmas is quickly approaching! I need some cold weather, some snow and some holiday cheers! Earlier I went to lunch in shorts and a tee and it felt good! Like I said, we really need the cooler weather to come around to help with the Christmas mood. Well, presents are wrapped. Christmas program is planned. Food menu is set. I can't wait until Christmas day. Until then, here's some photo dump for your viewing pleasure. :)

My home does not have a mantle. It's the strangest thing especially for Georgia, so here's a Christmas garland on the bar island. I know you can't see it, but it's actually quite beautiful and festive. 

Christmas with my in-laws will be at our place this year so every week they've been delivering presents. Each present proves to be larger than the boxes before. I can't wait to see what's inside!

Finally, my husband and I had some down time to watch Hawkeye, which I like and enjoyed so far. We still have two more episodes to go. Guess it took us a while because The Falcon and the Winter Soldier was just bleh.

Fun fact: The picture captured Clint bidding his kids good-bye. I didn't realize what he said until I took a closer look at the picture. It triggered a memory I have of when my husband and I was still dating. My parents were super strict so my husband never had the pleasure of picking me up. I was always meeting him at restaurants, movie theatres, stores, etc. Every time we would depart, my husband's last words were always "Call me when you get home. I love you."

I guess a nice glass of wine to wind down the evening is much needed.

The nieces and nephew and I made it to Sugarloaf Mills for some shopping pleasure! Nothing gives me more joy than to be in a bookstore with the smell of fresh brewed coffee. Kloe and I had a blast!

No matter where we are, there's always time for some treasure hunt.

Every evening, the sky is an artwork from God. Even on a cloudy day, the sky is beautiful.

My husband saw this cup and picked it out for me. He thought I would fancy it and of course, it's true. It's the cutest little ornament.

90% of the time, you can almost be certain that we have papaya ingredients in our home. It's a staple in our menu. My husband is getting really good at making it too so there's always good papaya at the table.

A gift for the Ladies' Christmas party White Elephant. I love the wrapping paper!

I decided recently that we need to try the cash envelope system. I know the success rate is slim for us, but I'm still going to give it my best shot. Wish us luck!

Okay, bye.

:)

Thanksgiving

 Every year during this time I try to reflect back on where I've been and where God's grace has led me. Numerous times I can honestly say that if it weren't for God, I don't know where I'd be today. Most times it's like the movie "Saving Private Ryan", where God would seek me out and literally extract me from the battlefield. For that, I am forever grateful. This Thanksgiving I find myself thankful for so many different things because I am beyond blessed (this I know). However, below is a short list of the things I'm most thankful for. 

I am grateful for a loving, kind and helpful husband. He is one of the good ones. I know I don't say this enough, but my goodness, God gave me a really good person! When I look at my husband and catch a glimpse of him in his element, I know I am blessed because this man chooses to love me well on a daily basis. 

I'm thankful for the health of not only us but our families and friends. Satan meant this Covid virus for evil, but God turned it around for our own good! I am so thankful for God's love that He's allowed us to live another year with no major health issues. I'm especially grateful that both our parents as well as our nieces and nephews are all doing well. God is our protector in all circumstances and I praise Him regardless of the status of this pandemic because I know that in Him, no matter what happens, we will be okay.

I'm also thankful for our jobs that has allowed us to have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, a warm and comfortable bed to lay in each night, a phone that helps us wake up each morning, cars and gas to take us back to work on a daily basis so that we can repeat this redundant lifestyle. Oh, how blessed are we?! I often think about that thin margin and I'm forever grateful that the good Lord loves me beyond measure and that He would give me this life. That margin between life and death was so thin that even after 30 years I still get goosebumps thinking this journey through. 

Last but not least, I am grateful for the memories kept alive in my mind because these fragments are a constant reminder of God's love and His grace for me. He sought me out in my own battlefield and rescued me from the depths of my own dark soul. Maybe not in the way that I had hoped it'd be, but better. These memories are God's reminders of the many bullets God's helped me dodged and multiple times when I had asked something not of the Father's will, His simple answer is always a no. The no's of my life that brought joy to me today and glory to God forever.  Yes, I'm thankful for these memories every day of my life until God calls me home.

There are so many things to be thankful for. The list is endless so I'll just say that God has been so so good to me. To think where I would be if not for God so I'll live my life in remembrance of His love and mercy at the cross for me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Still

It has been a very long time. Life has been very busy and I've been on the go for the most part. Life has been an uproar of nothing but changes and in the midst of all this craziness, today, I am reminded to be still. To be still and know that [He] is God (Psalms 46:10). I find so much contentment in this verse. With that, my husband and I had to assume the role of parents for a few weeks to our pre-teen nieces and nephew. It definitely opened my eyes to the possibility of parenthood someday. I thought about how wonderful of a father my husband would be and how I won't be half bad at this mom thing. It also reminded me of how blessed I've been to have lived and received so much joy in my singlehood, having spend majority of my time with my husband and making simple memories for the long run. I think sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the greener grass algorithm, while lacking the appreciation for the effort it takes to get there. These past few weeks I've had to remind myself to step back and really look at the bigger picture. Imperfect we are, but I am so pleased knowing that God is holding us together and protecting us despite the whirlwind happening around us. God, You are truly good. May we continue to seek You, trust You and follow You. May we learn to be still and know who we are and whose we are when life gets too crazy. 

Understanding that we are not promised tomorrow, I can't help but think about all those who's gone before us. My father used to always say that people are "racing to enter Heaven" when there's been too many deaths. With covid, cancer, other sickness and diseases, this has been a big race. A whole generation gone! It's truly the end of an era. It's so bitter-sweet. I rejoice knowing that everyone has been called home to our Lord, but I will miss their presence here on this earth. Only a little while longer and we'll be together again. On that note, I recently purchased an at home laser hair removal kit. It sat on my shelf for well over a month before I found the courage to take that first zap. When I finally was able to zap myself, I realized it wasn't half bad. I imagine death to be like this. I can't imagine losing anyone close and dear to me. Often, I hope I would leave this earth first, but I know God has His time so I will brace myself for when the time comes and I will remind myself that it's all very temporary because in just a little bit, we will be together again. As you can imagine, I've been giving myself these talks because boy, there has been so many deaths and funerals lately. 

Taking advantage of the times we have left together, my family and I took a beach trip to PCB. We didn't do much but oh, how it was so fun and memorable! The children gave us so much laughter and provided us with pure joy. There's nothing quite like it. I look forward to the day when I can do mini beach trips with my own little family. That certainly will be one for the books just as it was for this family beach trip. It was mom and dad's first time to the beach and it seemed like they had a blast. I was also able to see my sister and her little family, which was always a treat. 

In other news, the holidays are coming and I am ecstatic! Autumn is truly upon us as I found myself contemplating whether or not to turn on the heater this morning. Currently, it's 62 degrees and sunny. For the first time in a long time, the holidays will be different because I have my own place. This means I get to decorate. ahaha but more importantly, we're all here and healthy. That's worth celebrating in all the ways we know how! In all this mess though, let's remember to take a moment when needed and simply be still.

Thoughts on an old journal

Hello. Hi. Hmmm. Haha. It's been a while hasn't it? Yeah, so sorry it's taken so long to come back with an actual post. I've just been stuck in my own routine, saving myself from this mundane lifestyle we all call "quarantine". I'm sure by now the world is sick and tired of this word and the lifestyle everyone is forced to live. Still, if I must be honest, I've always been quite the homebody anyway so it really doesn't bother me much. I'm quite glad that the pandemic has forced me to live a certain lifestyle, which led to a better life overall. I can't believe we've been in this pandemic for almost a year! It's a hard pill to swallow, but I'd like to say that it was a much needed change for me. Moving on to this new year, Jamy and I are anticipating much change- actually, it's a lot of changes! We have four major goals and I have no idea how it'll come together, but I truly trust in God and His timing for our lives. In any case, it'll give us something to do while we wait for this world to change or at least until everything normalize. Whatever that means! HAHA :)

Anyway, the holidays has come and gone. Our family tried to make the holidays as normal as possible. Covid wasn't going to steal that joy from us too!  We were with our families and exchanged gifts. We ate 'til we dropped. It was really nice. I enjoyed being with families and laughing nonstop. I got to see all my nieces and nephews! We cooked until our feet gave out. I enjoyed it all very much. Such joy to be around people I love and care about! Best part of it all, I got a whole week off of work at the beginning of the year (11 days including the weekend)! It was a much needed break. I so did not want to return to work so when my boss asked how everything was, I automatically replied with "It's good to be back at work!" My boss laughed and said he knew that was a darn lie! I guess I'm still on auto-pilot. I had to rethink my answer and couldn't help but laughed out loud. The real answer was, "I'm so sad to come back! I don't want to come back! I will be happy if I never have to work again!" but of course, I laughed outloud and we moved on. HAHA 

With the new year here, I attempted to Spring clean. Cleaning through everything, I found a very old journal. When I said "old", I mean from back in 2002-2003. Oh gosh, God surely had mercy on my soul. I wrote in that journal a lot when I was younger. Man, I was stuck in that time loop for what seemed like eternity! I won't lie. I had tears reading through that journal. It's still so raw possibly because I never got professional help, I just buried it away and the Hmong in me just went on with life. That's one thing I learned. If you can't get up, at least hang on. It was truly a season of trials and I got so tired from fighting every single battle. I was truly exhausted. I was so exhausted that I gave up on life, but thank the Lord that He didn't give up on me. My goodness! Reading back through this journal, my love was so pure. I didn't know people were evil. I truly thought there was good in everyone. I loved so hard and loved with every cell in my body! I am a different person now and for the better. I'm tougher, stronger and matured some. I don't fight every battle-- only the ones that bring meaning to my life. Often, I think about that little girl. My younger self crying out for help, but no one could help me. God knows, people tried. Often, I wish I can go back. I would talk to her and assure her that we'll be alright, that life may be tough, but we'll do just fine in life. That her parents aren't her enemies. That God gave her just enough to allow her to hang on. Looking back now, I am forever thankful! I don't ever understand the ways of the Lord, but I know I shouldn't question God. God's been so good to me.  After some time in the journal, it went from daily updates to annual updates. Oh, that's how life goes sometimes. 

Right now, we're downstairs in Kengie's home where my husband and I currently reside. I'm sitting here on this late Friday evening on one couch as my husband lays on the other. Some type of murder mystery show is playing on Netflix, but I can't hear as I have my beats on and blasting Hmong music while typing this post. Jamy, on the other hand, is listening to the TV but is on his phone. There's no plan to leave this couch anytime soon, unless we have to use the restroom, because we're both not tired and tomorrow is rest day! If this isn't a blessing than I don't know what is. As my husband and I plan on our next chapter in life, there's much to consider. However, right now, this couch seems pretty comfortable.

Quickly before I go, our goals for this year are just as intense as last year's if not more. Eeeeeks! 

1. Lose 60 lbs.

2. Pay off the Genesis.

3. Save money

4. Purchase a home.

Yes, in that order. I just know these are things we HAVE TO DO. I just don't know how I'm going to get them accomplish, but as I always say to my team at work, "Let's focus on what we can control." Right now, I can control losing weight and I have... I have lossed 10 lbs since January has started. Can't wait to come back with an even larger number to share with you. Okay, that's all for now. See ya!

A Moment in Time

 

Lately, I've been really enjoying Ira Wolf's songs, specifically "Some Days". It's so nostalgic! It really reminds me of the days of yesteryear... how I miss you! I remember this day like it was yesterday. Instead, it was February 8th -the second Saturday of the month and I needed to service the Genesis. When we left to the dealership, it was clear as day. Everyone was still in bed snoozing to the rhythm of the bird chirping outside our windows. Of course, the news on TV suggested there was a slight chance of snow, but we live in Georgia and as exciting as that is we've just been let down one too many times to believe. Last year, they called for a chance of snow and considering the snow apocalypse back in 2014, every company in GA decided to shut down. Turns out, it was one of the sunniest day we've ever had that Winter. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciated that day off. I say this to say, my husband and I thought nothing of it. We drove two separate cars that morning because as per tradition,  while my car was being serviced, we would drive around Gainesville for a good place to have breakfast/lunch. As I waited for my husband to pull around, I looked down and saw that my husband was calling me. All I heard was, "You better come outside". I quickly walked out and cotton balls were falling from the sky. I was in disbelief! Instantly, I was a little girl again. That's what snow does to me. When I think of snow I think the first fall and because I live in Georgia, it's always the first fall because we do not get snow like back home in Wisconsin. I appreciate the snow in Georgia because when it comes, I get to be carefree with no judgement. We drove home without breakfast because we live in the countryside, which means if cold enough there's a potential threat for black ice. By the time we made it home, this was our front lawn. It was truly beautiful and totally Winter Wonderland. My husband and I stood outside for the longest time enjoying this moment for as long as we could. We played snow fight and I always lose. After it got too cold, my husband went inside and I went to the back porch to roll around and build me a snowman, all the while my in-laws stared from the windows. I'm sure they thought I was a crazy fool, but with the snow, I'm sure they even found it in their heart  to extend some grace. Can I pause a moment and go back to this place in time? Just for one day so we can all be a little kid again. This year has been so serious and honestly, I think sometimes it just hurts without me knowing. 

 On a brighter note, my mother called me this morning and asked how I'm doing. I told her I was fine. She confessed how worried she was for me because Covid-19 has hit our home church and our family has been exposed. We're all in quarantine again just to be safe and I did tell her that I was more exhausted than normal. I guess that really worried her. I think being the oldest, I always thought it was my responsibility to worry about others. I never knew that anyone would worry about me too. I guess for so long I've just been kind of on my own so hearing people express concerns over me was nice. I felt loved.