A Great Discernment

A couple weeks ago, while cooking, I came to a great discernment. I don't know if it was the breezy weather or the fact that the sun was about to set over the horizon and a little bit of it was sneaking through the window pane. Perhaps it was the tranquility atmosphere surrounding my physical being. Maybe because I had Frank Sinatra playing in the back of my head. His songs puts me in a visual state of solace. You know how I've been saying that I feel like I'm a girl from the past century, well, Frank Sinatra really puts me in place. Whatever it was I felt a sense of joy as it dawned on me that my eyes were opened for the very first time and I now can see. That made all the sense in the world. I abruptly hugged my husband and explained my new found joy. It's needless to say he was confused and that's to say the least. This is probably because he's a guy and he really don't care about all these little itty-bitty details. Well, for me, this helps me to understand certain things that are happening in my life even if these things are perpetual feelings that are painful to experience.

If you didn't know, I'm a little obsess about time traveling. I'm so obsess that I'm almost so sure that someday scientists will be able to find a way to travel through time. Until that happens I will continue to enjoy watching a lot of time traveling movies. Something you should also know about me is that I believe in the good of human beings. Deep down, I know there's good in each of us even when the cruelty of the world has taken over us. In this belief, you will always have my trust and even when you break it, though it'll take time, you can gain my trust again for I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Last but not least, you should know that I don't like to disappoint others (that doesn't mean that I'm a push-over or a people-pleaser). I'd like to give it my very best. Sometimes I know I can do better and therefore I will always try to do better. What happens when I know I haven't done my best because I didn't know? Well, I get this feeling and honestly sometimes these feelings tend to eat me alive thus brings about my obsession for time traveling. If I could go back through time, I would do it all differently and perhaps get better results. I'm telling you all this so you can understand why when I say that I often pray for second chances.

You see, my husband and I are extremely different. We are on opposite end of the spectrum. We are the sun and the moon, night and day, black and white. Don't you think for one moment that we don't try to embrace our differences. Well, I'm not sure if I should speak on my husband's behalf but at least I try to understand and make amends with the cards I'm dealt. Still, this doesn't stop me from wondering what it would be like have I married someone a little more like me? Maybe we'll experience less rude awakenings. Life will be more predictable. Life will be safe. Then again, life will be dull. There will be no surprises. Perfection is boring, I understand that, but still we're all humans and sometimes I think these thoughts they crawl into our heads and they make us wonder about all the "what if's". Sometimes I wonder if my husband ever thought about all these "what if's, could've(s), should've(s), and would've(s)" because I'm so different from him. Well, sometimes when I pray for second chances, I think about my husband's list of all that he would want to do over and often time I wonder if I made it to that list.

With this in mind, I am reminded of the movie "Kimboree" in which the main guy dies at the end stating the Japanese a folklore about two star crossed lovers separated by the milky way, who are only able to meet once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month based on the Luni solar calendar. The sun and the moon are always total opposites, one comes out while the others go into hiding. However, seldom times throughout the year we experience the total solar eclipse and for that one split moment, the sun and moon can be together in unison. Even night and day has dawn and dusk. Though black can be the darkest of black and white can be the whitest of white, when coming together to form gray, it can create solace in such a dramatic ambience. Gray is the color of compromise - being neither black nor white, it is the transition between two non-colors. Gray is solid and stable, creating a sense of calm and composure, relief from a chaotic world. I tell my husband of this revelation and astounded I screamed, "We are each other's second chances!" He smiled and we hugged whole-heartedly because we both understood that while others are waiting all year long just to meet for a brief moment, God has bless us with a lifetime to be in each other's presence. Oh, how blessed we are and we didn't even know it! That discernment, my friend, puts my once cloudy life into perspective!

Oh Lord, how You love us! How much You give to us and we don't even know it. You know what we're going to ask before we even ask for it and You provide just as You see fit for our lives. Thank You, Abba Father, and please forgive us for being so human.